I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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