Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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