So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
