It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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