he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Boobs speak an international language.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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