before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
