Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
