i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I need help removing her.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
