real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
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