you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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