I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
