I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize