Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
