what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
