the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize