just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
The air taste purple.
Randomize
