Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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