Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
