Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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