a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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