Well douche your snatch and let's go!
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
