If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
