When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
