with your own penis?
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
