Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Randomize
