The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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