i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
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