tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
