He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
