last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
