Dude my mom stole all your condoms
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
