She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
