This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
