she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
