I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well you can't waste a boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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