I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
