I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
