Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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