The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
