I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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