i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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