I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
