genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
