the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
pray to the hookup gods
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize