yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
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