I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
