You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
