you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
