did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
You can't just leave with hair like that
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
