Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
