So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize