I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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