Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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