Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
