My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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