Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
