the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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