tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
So many bounce houses so little time
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
