Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So vagazzling was a success
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize