I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
My bed smells like the plague
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
