ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize