I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize
