I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
