just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
you will always have a special place in my vag
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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