I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
