i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
