ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
