but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
