I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
