cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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