she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Randomize
