i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
