and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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