well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
