Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
